Sunday, February 6, 2011

Because it's Too Funny Not to ...

Sunday, Fun day! Not really for me, I'm working. But I sure hope the rest of you are enjoying your weekend.

I have a super funny list of metaphors below, but first I wanted to mention some fantastic things happening around the blogosphere.

*  Elena Solodow has a very cool project going on which includes 250-500 words of your story, costumes, and videos. That should intrigue you enough, eh? Go check it out..

*  Tracy over at Forever Endeavor has started an online book club and the first pick is already out. How cool is that? If you're interested in being a part of it, hop over to her blog and get the deets. You have til Feb. 25 to read the first selection, but if you wanna skip this round and try the next, that's okay too!

* And because I got such a tickle out of this post, check out Carla White's idea of how to make use of all those spam emails we get in our inbox. It will make you chuckle!

Now, the other day I saw this list on my writer friend, Kathryn Kuponoff's blog and I had to post it here for my readers in case they missed it. It's too funny not to.


1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.


Okay, so enjoy your Sunday. If you're watching the big game, have fun! Can you think of a wacky metaphor? Share it here ...  Oh hey! I think I just got an idea for a blogfest ... hmmmm.....

35 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

"As shots are wont to do" - that's bad!

Margo Benson said...

These had me laughing out loud. I'll look at hailstones wuite differently now!

Yay, fellow Crusader!

Madeleine said...

Thanks for the links fellow crusader :O)

Carla White said...

:) Thanks for the plug!

Meredith said...

Haha, I love these metaphors! Comparing a ballet dancer to a peeing dog is just classic.

Nas Dean said...

Hilarious! Thanks for sharing and bringing a chuckle early in the morning from me. And also thanks for the links.

Melissa Bradley said...

Loved these! Had me choking on my cornflakes here. One of the worst/funniest I've seen comes from a sex scene. "He filled her like a generous meat sandwich."

Jennifer Jackson said...

Too funny! Unless, of course, you're the author of one of these. LOL

Nathalie said...

OMG, thanks for the great laugh.

gideon 86 said...

These are TOO funny.


Michael

E.J. Wesley said...

Read those on K's blog and laughed my arse off!

Mary Vaughn said...

That list is way too funny!

Julie Musil said...

Love the lame duck and the thigh master! Those are great.

I'm only halfway watching the game. Hubby is watching, and I'm peeking up from the laptop during commercials :D

Hart Johnson said...

*dies* Love the metaphors and similes. I want a job where I just get to write really bad stuff.

L.A. Colvin said...

TOOO funny!! hi to a fellow crusader.

kmckendry said...

Thanks for the laughs!

Tara said...

OMG, hilarious!!

Off to check out your links...

Elena Solodow said...

Thanks for the shout-out!

Angela Scott said...

I think I peed a little, so funny. (Just kiddin' no pee). Very funny post. Awesome.

You're my kinda crusader.

Tried to follow you on Twitter as well, but for some weird reason it went bizerk. Send me your twitter link and I'll follow you there too. (I'm not a stalker. I'm not a stalker. I promise).

Kindros said...

Thanks for sharing the links and list. I will have to check these out. Hope you had a great weekend.

Catherine Ensley said...

Hi! I'm part of Rach's Platform Building Crusade. Stopped by to say hi. You have an inviting, fun blog!

Pk Hrezo said...

Welcome, crusaders! Thanks for all your comments, my lovely bleeps. You always make me smile! :)

Paul Joseph said...

So bad, they are actually good. Thanks for the laugh! Suddenly, I feel strangely competent.

Jennifer Hillier said...

These are hilarious! Like Paul said, so bad they're actually good. Thanks for posting, I needed the laughs.

William Kendall said...

Oh, these are hilarious!

And thanks for the links!

Florence said...

Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
- Martin Mull

Angela Scott said...

So sorry. My profile had my wrong/old blog on display. Totally made me look like a loser :(

My real blog (I really do have one) is at www.whimsywritingandreading.weebly.com

Thanks. Sorry 'bout that.

Her highness, Samantha Vérant said...

Too funny! (love his grammar was as bad as, like, whatever. HAHAHA And hi, I'm a fellow crusader!***waves***
Dare to Follow Your Heart

Tracy said...

Thanks for the Shout Out on the book club!! :D

And an even bigger thanks for posting these. I think I almost blew my cover here at work when I snarfed, out loud, at the nose hair one!!

Clarissa Draper said...

I love the metaphors. How many times have you fried maggots in oil? Also, I'll check out the links.

Zan Marie said...

PK, I'm a fellow Crusader. I just wanted to drop in an say hi.

raisingmarshmallows said...

Very entertaining! #12 is my favorite.

Nikki

Len Lambert said...

This is a funny post indeed! Thanks for sharing! I'm a fellow crusader! Now following! :)

Susan Kaye Quinn said...

LOL! Thanks for the funny. :)

T C Mckee said...

Oh my. I was laughing my arse off at these. Number three is my absolute favorite. We had to make one of those boxes in elementary school. Too funny. And hey, I say like and whatever all the time. Does this mean I'm shtoopid?
Oh and we did watch the game. My husband is still in mourning. He's been wearing black ever since and he's hung a terrible towel over the Steelers clock in the den. It was a sad day in the Mckee house.